sometimes i really hate decisions. i’m wrestling with one right now… what it boils down to, is what i want to do, vs what my parents would like me to do. and it’s not a moral issue. it’s totally a preferential issue. last saturday my dad told me that they are going to colorado for 5 days over next weekend. my brother’s going too, and they are going with three other families. i don’t want to go. and i have the option of not going. none of the other families going have any kids my age or kids that i normally hang out with. well, i take that back. our pastor’s daughter – 16 yrs old – is going and she and i totally get along and hang out sometimes, but there is another one of her friends going, so it’s not like if i dont’ go, she would have no one to hang out with. so there isn’t really a strong pull for me to go. whereas there is a strong pull for me to stay in town that weekend. first, i made a total of 6 commitments that weekend. either parties i said i would go to, and help plan and help prepare for, i’m supposed to serve in the sound booth (running the power point) on sunday morning, housesit all weekend, go to a pre-wva party on tuesday, etc. plus, i’d have to take 2 days off work. while these are all commitments that i could technically get out of it i had to, the thing is – i don’t want to get out of them. i want to stay and participate and follow through and be here. so what i’m wrestling with is 1) when what i want to do and what my parents would prefer i do are in conflict, because they are my parents, and because i am called to honor them (and i understand that honor and agree and obey are not all synonymous at this age and season of my life), does that mean that what they want is right and what i want is wrong simply because they are the parents and i am the daughter? 2) is it always selfish (translate: wrong/sin) to make a decision based simply on what i would prefer to do? to do something just because it’s what i want. to say “’cause i want to” sounds selfish, but is it always? 3) am i really shafting family time by not going? from my perspective, i seems like we wouldn’t necessarily be spending a ton of exclusive, quality family time together b/c we would be going with three other families – all the parents of which my parents are close with and love spending time with. so it’s not like my not going would defeat the whole purpose of going, like it would have if it was just our family going on a trip/vacation and i didn’t want to go.
i’m not exactly looking for answers to these questions, so please don’t feel obligated to comment and answer them. these are just the thoughts i’m working through. i’ve already talked with my parents once about this and got some clarification and told them somewhat how i feel. i’ll probably talk to my mom again today about it and share what i’ve been thinking about.
i was praying about it this morning, but i didn’t sense any strong revelation imparted. i wish it was as easy as shooting God an email and him sending me back a reply with the answer. and it’s hard also, b/c i usually give decisions like this some time and just pray and wait and see where God leads. but i don’t have a whole lot of time. i basically have to make a decision by tomorrow or wednesday.
i’ve talked with two close and Godly friends about it as well, and neither one of them necessarily encouraged me to go (one said she didn’t think it was wrong if i wanted to stay, and the other didn’t say anything strongly either way). but i didn’t want to take their response as a confirmation/indication of what i should decide before i had really sought the Lord about it.
so if any of you wouldn’t mind praying for me, that would be so appreciated. i want to make a wise and Godly decision, but not one motivated by guilt or fear of my parent’s disapproval, or resignation, or just to make them happy. those are the wrong reasons and not only would my parents not want me to make a decision on one of those bases, but i know that would not be pleasing to God either….
in other news – i went and saw shrek 2 last night with my college group at the drive-in theatres! it was so fun! i’d never done that before! and even though i drained my car battery in the process (note to self for next time: bring a boom box and use that instead of the car radio), it was still a great experience. and praise God i had jumper cables in the back of the car (despite my brother telling me we didn’t)! the movie was funny too. i think my favorite part was catching all the spin-offs of other movies that they used (the LOTR thing and the “spiderman kiss” totally cracked me up). and Puss in Boots was my favorite character. i want a picture of him holding his hat and doing the “poor little kitty” eyes for my desktop! there were a few things i could have done without in the movie though. it definitely was not completely clean and i’m not sure i would take kids to see it, but i don’t regret seeing it and the experience was a total blast!