whoever thought that a cat’s nine lives was a lot…  has not met the 4 inch long (no exaggeration whatsoever), 1 inch wide roachmonster that died a very slow (over 24 hours!) death outside the front door of the church office today. 

the aforementioned roachmonster was first noticed by Anna when she left the office last night.  he was on his back, moving his legs.  not kicking or flailing or desperately fighting, just… moving his legs.  Janelle found him doing the same thing this morning.  in a valiant attempt to “end his suffering” and rescue all of humanity from his tentacles, Janelle sprayed him with every single type of cleaning solution she could find underneath the sink.  this made him lie quite still for a bit.  naturally, we assumed him dead.  

but on no!  we were mistaken!  a couple hours later, we checked back on him and the legs were going again!  we went hunting for bug-killing spray and doused him soundly with that.  again, stillness that we presumed to reflect deadness.  yet again, we were fooled.  after several more dousings and even being sqeezed underneath the door by some cruel, uncaring human who opened the door onto him, we was still moving!!! 

at this point we began to wonder if he was, in fact, dead, and his legs were merely still responding to nerve impulses. 

i’m sure many of you are asking, “why didn’t you just crush the flipping roach?!”  well, i shall tell you.  because a fully intact, dead roachmonster of that size, is just far too perfect!  “perfect for what?” you ask?  perfect for “suprising” another…coworker.  a male one.  who might just so happen to be in full time ministry.  or something.  bwahahahaha!  it’s not every day us girlies at the office get a chance like this is it?!  but you didn’t hear that from me.

so finally, near the end of the day, after it had been nearly 24 hours since the first discovery of the roachmonster, we put him in a cup, covered the top with a plastic bag, and set him in the freezer, figuring that, on the off chance that he was still not dead, we could freeze him to death and ensure of his complete and total, non-moving deadness.   


10 thoughts on “

  1. Well, if its not dead going into the freezer…it will most likely be alive once it thaws out!I have a great trick you can play on the poor guy.Go to Home Depot and buy an inexpensive wireless door bell. While he is away from his office sneak in there. Then hop on the desk or chair and push up the corner of one of the ceiling tiles and set the doorbell up there and then pull the lifted up tile back into place.Then, you press the wireless doorbell button once every other day at different times during the day while he’s in there or walking by. It’ll drive him crazy.But there are three keys to a long successful practical joke of this nature:1. Random bell ringing…stay away from predictability.2. Utter secrecy regarding who knows about the prank.3. Only one person should control and have posession of the doorbell button.I played this prank on my boss for about six months and it was absolutely gutt bursting funny. Then when I found another job and was moving on, I passed the button on to a trusted co-worker to carry on the prank.Go for it! You’ll have so much fun…I promise!BML

  2. Dear Andrea,
    Yes, that will work – it won’t thaw out and become alive again, poor thing.  But neither will it continue to suffer; being frozen alive is allegedly like falling asleep.  Good problem solving.

  3. Wow, you AZ people are crazy, I thought us PCC singles were nuts, but I can tell you, I never heard of sweet Janelle Shank having anything to do with 4 inch monster roaches before she moved to Phoenix! I hope that you got a good laugh out of it! I hope to see you at the new upcoming New Attitude! Maybe we can keep in touch a little better through blogging! Emily Lewin

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