here’s another one…  🙂

Top 10 Indications you are a secretary for a Sovereign
Grace Ministries Church
Congregation members come to you with any question or about
any glitch in the Sunday service thinking you’ll have the answer, or
can solve the problem.
You refer to CJ Mahaney as “Captain”, Sovereign Grace Ministries as “H.Q.”, and
Covenant Life Church as “the mother ship”.
You get the biggest thrill out of any opportunity to call another SGM
You know the names and family members of all the pastoral and administrative
staff at all the SGM churches, even though you’ve only actually met half a dozen
of them in person. 
Although you agree with and rather like the new name, “Sovereign Grace Ministry”
you still use “PDI” because it’s easier to say, write, and email, which is where
you use it the most.
You have ever answered your home phone, “Good morning, <your church
name> church, this is <your name>, how can I help
You can perfectly spell and pronounce such names as Phelan, Altrogge,
Cabaniss, Ricucci, Boisvert, and Sczebel.
You lovingly refer to the computer, copier, and fax machine as “personal means
of sanctification”, and when it malfunctions (like, every day!) you ask for
prayer for a joyful heart attitude while you grow in this area of your
You’ve become rather accustomed to purchasing items over the internet using a
variety of credit cards, none of which are yours.
You’re familiar with the names of nearly every message given at any conference
in the last five years (along with who gave it), even though you haven’t heard
the message, nor were you even AT the conference!


9 thoughts on “

  1. 7,5, and 1. Definitely. Or you have multiple credit card numbers memorized. You know every puritan, bridges and piper book simply by the cover: “Knowing Scripture? Oh yes, bright yellow, 1/2 an inch thick, to the left of Knowing God.” 🙂

  2. That is hilarious!  I can relate to this a little and I’ve never been a secretary!  Especially 5 and 3 from my own job as a secretary (just not at my church)!  I have described CLC as the Mother Ship of Sovereign Grace on many occasions, it just fits! 

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