thoughts from my first 6 months of marriage

zach and i have been married for six months (ok
ok so in a few days we will actually hit the 7 month mark, but since
we’re not there yet, i’m still calling this 6 months).  i’ve had
miscellaneous thoughts rolling around in my head about marriage and
married life, and i thought i would share some.  so, from the mind of a
newlywed…

humility is a deal breaker.  to any single girls who
are reading this – please make sure that humility is a character trait
that is essential in the man you choose to marry.  i have been the
recipient of humble leadership and humble responses by my husband and i
can’t even begin to describe the world of difference it makes. not only
does it radically affect specific situations. conversations, decisions,
interactions and disagreements, but his example provokes me to respond
in a more godly and humble way as well.  talk about a win-win!

i
love keeping house.
  i am a little surprised at HOW much i have actually
enjoyed caring for my own little home.  even if i don’t love every
aspect of it at times, the joy and satisfaction that comes from taking
ownership of my home and keeping it clean and “running” smoothly brings
much delight.  i was never one for strategy games and while i like
getting new clothes, i don’t love the process of shopping.  but when it
comes to my home, i get a quite a kick out of the challenge of
strategizing meal planning, loads of laundry, cleaning, etc.  and the
process of grocery shopping (especially in keeping within a budget) is kind of a thrill for me.  i know, i’m the weird one.

my pastor was right.  i remember my
singles pastor doing a series on single life – relationships –
marriage.  one thing he said during that series was “the things you
encounter in marriage, start when you are single.”  from sinful
tendencies and patterns to the fruit of your pursuit of godliness (and
everything in between), how those things are in your single life will
pop up when you are married.  they matter.  he was
right.  you don’t suddenly take this giant leap into godliness when you
get married and all the things you struggled with as a single just
evaporate.  granted, they may look different once you’re married, but
they will still be there in some form.  and conversely, the godliness
that you pursue as a single will bear fruit in your married life as well
– and probably in areas you didn’t even realize.  that’s been mostly
what zach and i have been experiencing.  seeing fruit of something God
had been working in us when we were younger, or specifically during our
season of singleness, that we didn’t realize would affect our marriage
so much!

being best friends is a gift.  and i don’t mean “best
friends” in the sense that your spouse is the closest relationship you
have, so of course they are your “best friend.”  i mean being best
friends with someone and then falling in love with them.  the
more i dialogue with other married people, the more i am challenged to
not take the 5-year friendship that zach and i had prior to beginning
our courtship for granted.  i mean, when we were courting and engaged,
we thought it was pretty awesome that we had gotten to be practically
best friends before our romance blossomed.  but i am realizing more and
more how much of a gift that is, how it really does affect the everyday
outworking of our marriage, and that our story is relatively uncommon.  i
am so grateful for the friendship i had/have with zach and just because
it feels so normal, i can easily be tempted to take it for granted. 
again – to my single girl friends: if you are able to build a
relationship on a really solid friendship, or at least walk out a
romantic relationship with an emphasis on building a strong friendship,
it will make a difference in your marriage.  the process of growing and
pursuing each other as friends doesn’t end when you get married,
either.  but having a lot of that already established makes it even more
natural and fun to just continue to grow together in ways that will
last long after physical ideals and youthfulness fade, or when warm
fuzzy feelings aren’t running as high, or when difficult life situations
arise.  sharing every single day of the rest of your life is a blast
when you’re married to your best friend! 

hearing my new last
name still catches me off guard every now and then.
  just when i think
i’ve gotten used to writing it or saying it or seeing it, someone will
say my full name and for a split second it will sound weird to me.  and i
have to admit, i still refrain from using my new last name when i call
people from work.  it’s MY name and i am (for the most part) used to
it.  but other people aren’t.  and so i don’t want to trip people up
when i call them and say “Hi this is Andrea Boomsma.”  so i’ve been
sticking with “Hi this is Andrea from church.”  haha!  i think i just
need to say what my name actually is now, and that will probably help
people get used to it too, right?  

if you hadn’t noticed yet, i
love being married.
  “it’s the beeest.”  (nacho libre voice)

that
is all. 

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2 thoughts on “thoughts from my first 6 months of marriage

  1. I found your blog from Jennifer “Fountain”‘s recommendation – what a glorious testimony of God’s grace! I love your honesty and awareness of God’s hand moving years ago to prepare you for this time in your life. Thank you!My husband and I just celebrated 31 years in February, and I still remember the 6th month mark! It gets better and better – even through the hard times. Humility is such a gift from God in a husband. I’m sure Tom would say he appreciates it when I’m pursuing humility too…an ongoing project for me!You might enjoy the blog we started to help marriages grow for God’s glory year after year. We provide date night ideas, great resources, convictions as they come to us and simply what a Christian marriage looks like practically. We value your thoughts! DebiThe Romantic Vineyard

  2. andrea. this was so wonderful to read! i also found it through jennifer fountain’s link 🙂 all the things you talked about were absolutely true… although i haven’t been married yet… but soon! but, both buff and i are so aware of God working in our hearts towards being more humble. i’m so grateful to God that he has given me my “soon-to-be-hubby” that has a desire to always be growing in humility to better serve and lead me.and yes, being best friends is the best! falling in love is amazing…. i could have never dreamed it like this.i’m so looking forward to july when we will be getting married for God’s glory! and i love learning from other ladies about their experiences. so thank you for writing this… it was a great encouragement! :)Marybeth

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