CHECK IT OUT!  look at my brother’s graduation present!!!

a 15GB ipod! 

woo-hoo!!  and a carrying case.  and an FM transmitter (in honor of thomas ).  so he can take it wherever he goes and listen to music wherever he’s at.  plus store all sorts of notes and dayplanner stuff and contacts, etc.  all in a 5.6oz little machine smaller than an ace of spades!  unbelieveable.  technology never ceases to amaze me.  you know, you see all this cool stuff on movies and think “yeah, if only that were real.”  i’m growing more convinced that it is all real, it’s just not on the mainstream market so we don’t know about it.  wowser.   

and no, i didn’t pay for all of it.  my parents and i are going in together for it.  i’m so excited!  my brother’s going to flip! 

oh and the people at the apple store put all my purchases in this drawstring backpack thingy and now i am completely inspired to make one of my own!  it’s so simple!  i can’t wait.  maybe i’ll do that on monday… 

how do you determine what your identity is in?  what kind of questions do you ask yourself?

edit for clarification (per chris’ comment):  if one was trying to evaluate if they were truly finding their identity in christ, or in something else, what kind of questions would you ask?  what would you look at?  what would you evaluate?

well, last night my parents informed us that they are not going to colorado after all.    so essentially, i never had to make an actual decision.  it was very interesting because as the day went on (yesterday) i had an increasing sense of peace about not going.  i didn’t feel guilty about it and i didn’t feel that i was making that choice out of selfish motives.  and it was going to be okay.  God definitely helped me not grow anxious and worrisome over it.  i had pretty much made up my mind to stay home when my dad said that they weren’t going to go.  ::chuckle::  but i don’t think that all of the thought and time and prayer i put into the decision was for naught.  it was definitely a good experience for me to walk through, and there were good things for me to consider a mull over.  my parents did ask me what i had thought about/decided over the day.  so i shared it all with them.  so anyway, there’s an update about that.  thank you all for your prayers and encouragement.  God again revealed his faithfulness and his goodness.  soli deo gloria – to God alone be glory. 

although at one point in the conversation last night, i had the thought i wish i could just be perfect.  i really meant it, too.  sometimes i just get so tired of being sinful and flawed and struggling with all sorts of shortcomings and faults.  i want to be Godly and wise and discerning and loving and…perfect!  at least i know i’m on the right path, and every day God is perfecting me more and more and making me like Christ.  the journey is just painful and difficult.  sometimes i don’t want to make the journey.  i just want to be there.  but this is the great adventure, right?! 

holly called me last night!  it was so good to hear her voice!  we didn’t get to chat long, but it was still good.  and then i talked with luz for like, an hour and a half!  oh man, that was so wonderful.  i was so encouraged.  God definitely used our conversation to build my faith and renew my hope for change and growth.  it brings tears to my eyes to think about what amazing friends God has given me.  i could never make it in life without them.  i love you all! 

edit: and check out the picture chris found for me:  

  i’ve got it on my desktop.  except i did some lame-but-hey-it-works editing in microsoft paint so that it doesn’t have the movie info all over it…  

<A href="http://www.xanga.com/private/xtools/

 

you are aqua #00FFFF

Your dominant hues are green and blue. You’re smart and you know it, and want to use your power to help people and relate to others. Even though you tend to battle with yourself, you solve other people’s conflicts well. Your saturation level is very high – you are all about getting things done. The world may think you work too hard but you have a lot to show for it, and it keeps you going. You shouldn’t be afraid to lead people, because if you’re doing it, it’ll be done right. Your outlook on life is very bright. You are sunny and optimistic about life and others find it very encouraging, but remember to tone it down if you sense irritation.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

 
not too far off…. hmmmm… 

sometimes i really hate decisions.  i’m wrestling with one right now…  what it boils down to, is what i want to do, vs what my parents would like me to do.  and it’s not a moral issue.  it’s totally a preferential issue.  last saturday my dad told me that they are going to colorado for 5 days over next weekend.  my brother’s going too, and they are going with three other families.  i don’t want to go.  and i have the option of not going.  none of the other families going have any kids my age or kids that i normally hang out with.  well, i take that back.  our pastor’s daughter – 16 yrs old – is going and she and i totally get along and hang out sometimes, but there is another one of her friends going, so it’s not like if i dont’ go, she would have no one to hang out with.  so there isn’t really a strong pull for me to go.  whereas there is a strong pull for me to stay in town that weekend.  first, i made a total of 6 commitments that weekend.  either parties i said i would go to, and help plan and help prepare for, i’m supposed to serve in the sound booth (running the power point) on sunday morning, housesit all weekend, go to a pre-wva party on tuesday, etc.  plus, i’d have to take 2 days off work.  while these are all commitments that i could technically get out of it i had to, the thing is – i don’t want to get out of them.  i want to stay and participate and follow through and be here.  so what i’m wrestling with is 1) when what i want to do and what my parents would prefer i do are in conflict, because they are my parents, and because i am called to honor them (and i understand that honor and agree and obey are not all synonymous at this age and season of my life), does that mean that what they want is right and what i want is wrong simply because they are the parents and i am the daughter?  2)  is it always selfish (translate: wrong/sin) to make a decision based simply on what i would prefer to do?  to do something just because it’s what i want.  to say “’cause i want to” sounds selfish, but is it always?  3) am i really shafting family time by not going?  from my perspective, i seems like we wouldn’t necessarily be spending a ton of exclusive, quality family time together b/c we would be going with three other families – all the parents of which my parents are close with and love spending time with.  so it’s not like my not going would defeat the whole purpose of going, like it would have if it was just our family going on a trip/vacation and i didn’t want to go. 

i’m not exactly looking for answers to these questions, so please don’t feel obligated to comment and answer them.  these are just the thoughts i’m working through.  i’ve already talked with my parents once about this and got some clarification and told them somewhat how i feel.  i’ll probably talk to my mom again today about it and share what i’ve been thinking about.

i was praying about it this morning, but i didn’t sense any strong revelation imparted.    i wish it was as easy as shooting God an email and him sending me back a reply with the answer.  and it’s hard also, b/c i usually give decisions like this some time and just pray and wait and see where God leads.  but i don’t have a whole lot of time.  i basically have to make a decision by tomorrow or wednesday. 

i’ve talked with two close and Godly friends about it as well, and neither one of them necessarily encouraged me to go (one said she didn’t think it was wrong if i wanted to stay, and the other didn’t say anything strongly either way).  but i didn’t want to take their response as a confirmation/indication of what i should decide before i had really sought the Lord about it.  

so if any of you wouldn’t mind praying for me, that would be so appreciated.  i want to make a wise and Godly decision, but not one motivated by guilt or fear of my parent’s disapproval, or resignation, or just to make them happy.  those are the wrong reasons and not only would my parents not want me to make a decision on one of those bases, but i know that would not be pleasing to God either….   

in other news – i went and saw shrek 2 last night with my college group at the drive-in theatres!  it was so fun!  i’d never done that before!  and even though i drained my car battery in the process (note to self for next time: bring a boom box and use that instead of the car radio), it was still a great experience.  and praise God i had jumper cables in the back of the car (despite my brother telling me we didn’t)!  the movie was funny too.  i think my favorite part was catching all the spin-offs of other movies that they used (the LOTR thing and the “spiderman kiss” totally cracked me up).  and Puss in Boots was my favorite character.  i want a picture of him holding his hat and doing the “poor little kitty” eyes for my desktop!  there were a few things i could have done without in the movie though.  it definitely was not completely clean and i’m not sure i would take kids to see it, but i don’t regret seeing it and the experience was a total blast! 

i’d forgotten how wonderful it is to put lemon slices in my nalgene.  

 

loving luz~
i had an absolutely delightful weekend!  luz was so very kind to “live” with me at the house i’m house-sitting for, starting friday night through this morning, when she left for texas.  oh, what a wonderful time we had together, everything from swing dancing with friends saturday night to bowling sunday night, to talking about life, seasons, God, boys, and peter pan.    we watched peter pan yesterday afternoon.  and she loved it!  yes!  another one bites the dust!  but it is quite lovely dust to “bite”.  it’s fairy dust.  yes.  fairy dust.    anyway, we had some great talks and encouraged each other and…  ::sigh::  it was just great.  i miss her already and she only left a couple hours ago.  much of it probably has to do with where she is going.  actually, her plane hasn’t even taken off as i write this.  haha.    anyway, i’m ridiculously tired, seeing as we got to bed after midnight 3 nights in a row.  yikes!  oh well.  it was worth it.  luz, i love you so much my friend!    i’ll be praying for you this summer and missing you tons!  this is the perfect place for us to each be, a most wondrous season and i look forward to august, when we can look back and be amazed at all that God did. 

on a different note, somewhat related to the above paragraph…
i have rediscovered the thrill and joy of swing dancing!  oh boy!  i used to swing dance quite a bit in high school.  for about 2-3 years my friends and i did it a lot.  everything from lessons to parties to performances.  it was great.  i loved it so much.  then, after high school it just kind of didn’t happen anymore.  my little circle of friends began to dissipate as we all graduated and started college and spread out and life took over.  the last time i danced was at a wedding last january (’03).  so it’s been nearly a year and a half since i danced.  until last saturday night.  luz and went to a friends house where they were swingin’ away.  wow.  i really had forgotten how much i just love swing dancing.  i mean really love to swing.  i’m so hooked again.  i can’t wait till the next time they all get together to dance – i am so there!  happiness…

“it don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that swing!  doo-waht doo-waht doo-wah!”

my dad told us this story last week at dinner…(my dad’s an elementary school physical education teacher, FYI)

“i was outside teaching one of my classes, and there were some kids playing ball at a house across the street from the school.  the ball they were playing with bounced over the fence and into the neighborhood street on the other side.  a car slowed down and stopped in front of the ball.  the driver was a lady, and out from the passenger seat jumped a little girl.  she picked up the ball and tossed it back over the fence and climbed back into the car.” 

at this point my dad paused.  and then spoke very slowly, with his eyes tightly shut, as if he was picturing the image in his mind again.

“and it was like it was yesterday.  the little girl looked just… like… andrea.  she had little pig tails like andrea used to wear.  and she ran just like my little girl used to run.  my eyes welled up as i remembered when andrea was that small. 

throughout the rest of the day that image would come back into my mind and i would start to tear up.  it was like, ‘whoa.  i better not think about this or i’m going to start crying.'”

yeah, my wedding day is going to be just peachy.   

i just saw the preview for The Bourne Supremacy!  woo-hoo!!  i can’t wait till this one comes out!  i’m massively excited!    july 23rd…

happy monday everyone!  i hope you all had a splendid weekend!

i got to watch peter pan this weekend!  ::happiness::  i went over to raigan’s after college group and she wanted to watch it since she hadn’t seen it yet.  ::happy sigh::  i really love that movie.  what fun. 

mother’s day was loverly.  i gave my mom a day together.  this saturday we’re going to spend the day together doing whatever she wants.  if we go out or do anything, i’ll buy.  and my brother gave her some cash-ola to spend on our day out.  my mom is not a gift person.  and she is super difficult to buy for.  christmas and birthdays and mothers day with my mom can be rough because she doesn’t want stuff.  there have been years where we have just purchased gifts because you’re supposed to, not necessarily b/c that was what she wanted.  and over the last year i have been revolting against such practices.  i am a stickler for meaningful gifts, not traditional gifts.  i hate “lists” – the making of gift/wish lists and the family just divies up what’s on the list and buys the stuff for the wisher.  i hate it.  we should know each other well enough to know what would be special to that person, and we should be involved enough in each other’s lives to know what the other person would like to receive.  at this season in my life, i don’t get a lot of time with my mom.  and since she doesn’t care about things, i knew it would be more special to her if i gave her a day.  gave her my time.  special time together to do whatever she wants to do.  it was a happy gift.